I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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