I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
The air taste purple.
Randomize
