the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
