god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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