It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
