It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
