everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Randomize
