my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
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