somebody snuck up and got me drunk
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
