I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
You dont lie about slip and slides
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
