Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
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