Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
i think we sleep fucked last night...
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
