Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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