I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
