Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I have already put on my inside pants.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
