He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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