You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
