we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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