Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
vagina is talking i cant
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
