So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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