My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
