I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
