I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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