awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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