i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize