Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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