You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Randomize
