Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
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