Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
