He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Randomize
