I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize