he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
