did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
