I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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