I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
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