If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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