I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
