I just cut my nipple shaving
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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