woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
