It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
