A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize