Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
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