We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
