I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Randomize
