I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
