I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize