So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
