Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
