i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize
