I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
