dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Text me some of your sweat
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