So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
