so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Randomize
