he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
