Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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