Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
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