2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
