Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize
