If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
