can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Randomize