I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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