I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
you win again, gameday.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
