I love how my cats smell like pot.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
