maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
