Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
