You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
